Maybe I'm crazy

So this week I am 17 weeks along, I'll be 18 Tuesday, and I got to feel the baby move FOR CERTAIN this time! It was super exciting and well needed at the time. I was sitting at my desk at work writing an email to my boss about how irritated I was with a particular work issue that has not been resolved after well over a month. I felt two little pokes deep down in my belly and I just knew it was the baby telling me to calm the eff down!

Since then baby Eggbert has been very wiggly and active.

(Mike and I were going through baby name lists online last week and I kept saying all the goofy ones out loud. When I said Eggbert I got a quick pain in my side and took that as the baby reacting to the name. It will forever be the babies nickname whether he/she likes it or not.)

Call me crazy. but as I was laying on the couch tonight with my hand over my belly I was certain that I could feel the baby kicking my hand. Maybe it's wishful thinking but I swear I felt it on my hand.

Here's this weeks bump photo. I swear I look smaller than the past weeks. 

I had gained a bunch of weight right off the bat in the first 8 weeks. Since then I actually lost a pound. The theory is that I'm losing all my excess bloat while the baby is bulking up. I'm totally cool with that. I was certain I was going to just keep growing as the same pace for 9 months and be the size of a house. I'm completely fine with this little exchange we have going on.

Apparently now I'm supposed to start growing more though. Baby websites say I need to start spending more time sleeping on my side. I am a full out belly sleeper, I look like a skydiver when I sleep. Constant side sleeping is going to be a bitch, but apparently its something I'm supposed to do so I don't get lightheaded and faint or whatever nonsense they're making up just to make me miserable.

Good news though, only 7 more days to wait until we know if baby is a boy or girl. Positive thoughts that baby cooperates and lays spread eagle with arms above its head for the sonogram are welcome. That and hopes that I don't drink way too much water and pee my pants. Oh the horror. 

Cross your fingers for us everyone! Till next time adios!

Hormones are fun....

Here's a list of things that are annoying me right now:

Slamming doors
Complete laziness
Squeaky chairs
Lack of appropriate food
Belly bands
Dry air


On the plus side while I was writing a pissy email to my boss today about a serious issue of incompetence I totally felt the baby wiggle around in my belly. Idk if it was because I was pissed off and smoke was coming out of my ears or if the baby was totally digging the Nelly tune that was on pandora at the moment. Either way, it was awesome.

Bumpity bump bump

Here is the documentation of my bump progression. I was certain people could tell at 10 weeks.

This is where I can see myself start to fall apart. "Hurry up and take the picture"

Week 15 I start to perk back up a little bit 

What first

I really should have started this blog weeks and weeks ago. I kept thinking about it but I just could not bring myself to start just in case I had to stop again. Finally at 15 weeks I felt confident enough in my body and my baby to give it a go again.

Now that I'm 16 weeks along I have no idea what to write about first. So many things have happened. Do I talk about the doctors appointments, how excited I am to start shopping, boy or girl, people asking how fat I feel (yep, someone definitely asked me that), how hungry I am, maternity clothes? There's so many options!

So I'm going to try and touch on a few things I've experienced so far. Strap in ladies and gents.

I'll begin with the bump.

This time around I really wanted to wait until the 12 week appointment to begin spreading the news of our joy. We told a few close people before that but not many. I told my co-worker pretty early on because 1. I really trusted her and 2. I needed someone on the inside that could cover for me when I needed a break. She was awesome and so excited!
This got a little challenging around weeks 7 & 8. There was no denying I was getting bigger in the belly. I had gain 5 lbs right off the bat and it was obvious! Thankfully I work in my own office and no one really bothers me but I was super paranoid every time I had to leave my secure location. I tried hiding my obvious bumps with long scarves and big shirts and thankfully it worked and I was able to keep my secret.

OH! and I was going to do a fun reveal to my mother when I was ready to tell people but I hadn't planned what to do yet. So it's the day before my 6 week ultrasound. Given my previous miscarriage the doctor wanted to see me right away to see if things were going well. My mother sends me a message asking me why I had an appointment with radiology the next day. With my cancer history I can only imagine the tizzy she put herself in just thinking about this and why I didn't tell her about it. Turns out I had gone to this radiology/ultrasound department for some reason when I was a kid and they had my phone number from my parents house on file still! They left my appointment with my mother! So I had to tell her it wasn't a radiology appointment it was an ultrasound. This prompted her to ask why the heck I was having an ultrasound, which forced me to spill the beans early to her. It was so uneventful telling her over the internet instead of being able to see her face but oh well, it is what it is.

Today at work I passed by one of the ladies in another department and she gave me a big grin and asked how I was feeling. I said I was good and she proceeded with "feel fat yet?" Uhh... why yes I do, thanks for pointing it out.

Let me tell you they are not kidding about the second trimester hunger. I could eat a full meal every hour if I let myself. I was hungry during weeks 5-7, but that was NOTHING compared to how hungry I feel now. Holy moly.

Thankfully I have been able to eat just about everything. Mike did send me running out of the room one day when he opened a bag of beef jerky in front of me. He was SHOCKED to say the least, I love me some jerky! As soon as he opened the bag my hand flew over my nose and my eyes started watering, YUCK.
Morning sickness hasn't really been an issue (please forgive me to those of you having to deal with it!) I did have one morning where I RAN to the bathroom to vomit but it was a one time deal.
My suffering happens through daily gagging fits. My teeth are going to rot out of my head because I cannot get through a thorough brushing without gagging multiple times. It never fails after I put my mascara and eye liner on I gag for whatever reason that sets me off and my eyes get so waters that it all just runs. Beautiful.

Our anatomy ultrasound is FINALLY scheduled, just under three weeks from now. I am dying to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. People have been asking me what I think baby will be and until last week I really had not had any idea what I felt. I just wanted a healthy baby. Mike and I would joke "as long as it's not a velociraptor." Last week I decided that I thought baby was going to be a boy. I'm actually hoping for a girl, what woman doesn't want a little girl to dress up and teach girly things to? But I just felt like we're probably having a boy. I just hope that baby cooperates and gives us a good view of the goods on Feb. 3rd!

Now that we have heard the babies heartbeat multiple times and we are sure that there is actually a living baby in me we have been planning a lot more. I'm on the babies r us website every other day trying to find things I want to put on the registry. Let me just say that I do not know how people who wait to find out the gender until the baby is born do it. Finding gender neutral items that I can actually put on the registry is nearly impossible. The only way to organize things as gender neutral is in the newborn sections. How frustrating! Right now I've got some yellow onesies and socks on there and a few other things but big items like playards and strollers and car seats really don't come in neutral colors, what gives baby stuff makers?? I like to plan, I want all this stuff on my list and ready to go darn it. But, what's three more weeks right?

Speaking of that, I have a great idea for the gender reveal. I am so excited for it!

The only shopping I have really been able to do is maternity clothes shopping and I have determined two things. 1. Maternity shirts come two ways; solid colors or horizontal stripes, 2. Maternity pants have something against pockets. I have found one shirt that had something other than stripes or a solid color on it. It said "Remember to be awesome" Thanks but I don't need a reminder. And I love my pockets and I miss them. I have three pairs of maternity pants and none of them have pockets. I get funny looks at work because I keep pulling things out of my bra. Doesn't mater how discreet you are about it, people know when you're in your bra and when you're not. Get over it man, I don't have any pockets.

I'm going to tryyyyy to post my bump chalkboard photos if blogger cooperates with me. I might have to wait until I get home to manually upload them but lets have hope shall we?
Wish me luck!

Better late than never... Right?

What are little boys made of?

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails

And puppy-dogs' tails,

That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of.

Or so I hear. 

So here's my back story, my name is Crystal. I grew up in a tiny town in the bipolar state of New York and lead a semi-normal life as far as I can tell.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and underwent 7 months of chemotherapy. Yes, it sucked, yes, all my hair fell out, but I'm alive and well today and glad it's all over.

Fast forward a bajillion years, and one near-miss wedding and life from hell later, I have found the life I have always wanted. I have a bachelors degree in psychology and health science and just recently was conferred for my masters degree in early child good education! Wahoo! Who wants to hire me....? Anyone? I now live with my incredible boyfriend, who tolerates my every neurotic moment and annoying quirk, and his 6 year old daughter. 

I first found out I was pregnant in April 2013. I was surprised, but super excited. I've always wanted kids and I was thrilled at the idea of having one with a man I loved so much. I had no idea what I was doing when I started looking for an Ob-gyn, I just picked one whose office was in my town. It was literally a five minute drive.  At our first appointment I was super nervous, I knew I had to have the full exam and my doctor was a man. Prior to that all of my doctors had been women so this was weird for me. I didn't mind him, he didn't look like he smiled often, he seemed nice enough and I didn't feel any more violated from the exam than usual.

Stupid pap smears. Seriously who signs up for that job, gross!

Anyway, Mike hated our doctor from the get go but gave him a chance for me. We scheduled blood work and an 8 week ultrasound. Mike and I walked into our ultrasound giddy with anticipation of seeing the fruits of our labor heh heh. Our ultrasound tech was a miserable lady, maybe 40 years old. I hated her. I'd never done an ultrasound before I had no idea what I was looking at. She told us NOTHING. I got dressed and went to the waiting room for the doctor. We brushed off the mean ultrasound hag and resumed our giddy chatter. Dr. Stern-face came in and the first thing out of his mouth was "there's no way you are 8 weeks pregnant." I'm sorry what...? "Are you sure about your dates?" Uh yeah I'm sure I know when I was supposed to get my period and didn't. Have you ever had to scrub blood out of your clothes? It's not friggin fun, jerk. So instead of telling me my options of what could be he comes right out and says "I don't think this is a viable pregnancy". Mike was at my side in an instant. I was still trying to process what exactly Mr. Stern-face just told me. It was completely awful, he followed up with there being a small chance my days were off and asked me to get more blood work to see if my counts increased. In my head I already knew they wouldn't. In my head I had always known it was going to happen for some reason. I knew I must have done something wrong.

So there we have it, I miscarried, counts came back as I predicted and doctor issued a d&c that day. What a miserable thing for a woman to go through after she just got such awful news not three days prior. But I'd been through cancer and chemo, I could handle it, at least that's what I told myself. Boy was I wrong. Even with numbing medication it hurt like hell and psychologically I've never been through anything worse.

When they finished I curled up in a little ball on the table covered with flimsy paper. Mike finally was able to come in and was shocked to see what state I was in. My blood pressure was all over the place, I was hot, I was cold, I was sweating, I was vomiting. He flagged a nurse and she got me some meds for the pain and a wet rag. The doctor came back to check on me and I swear he laughed at how I was handling it. What a newb I was, apparently. After a half an hour of agony I forced myself to get up and get dressed so I could go to the privacy of my own home. Mike got my prescriptions and tucked me into bed.

The next couple weeks were brutal, both of us suffered in silence. I felt cheated, after everything I've already had to endure in my life why must I go through this pain too? 

The doctor said we should wait until I had at least three normal periods before we started to try to get pregnant again. To be honest I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. It was a surprise the first time but I loved the idea. What if this happened again? No way could I go through that again. I was back and forth for a long time; yes let's do it, no, we should wait... It was terrifying. 

It is now January 2014, and I am ecstatic to report that we are 15 weeks pregnant! And we are finally getting excited about it. I say finally because both of us were weary for months to get hopeful about this pregnancy. They gave us our first ultrasound at 6 weeks. That morning I was stressed and freaking out, Mike was easily annoyed and short all morning. Our ultrasound girl was a DREAM! I loved her instantly, she greeted us with a big smile and she was so energetic and happy. It really helped me to relax. As soon as she got the probe (or what ever the heck you call that awkward stick) in place we knew instantly there was a real live baby in my belly. Then she shocked me, she turned on the heart monitor and I just about lost it. "It has a heartbeat already!?" Oh my god! how amazing that felt, Mike told me later that gave him one little tear in his eye lol. I'm sure he will never admit that again. I left that day with four pictures!

This time around we only told a couple very close people before the 12 week mark. As excruciating as it was holding it (and my growing belly) in I felt so much more confident and comfortable announcing it to everyone after our second ultrasound at 12 weeks.

Now I'm planning like crazy and researching and dying to shop. Our next doctors visit is Monday and I cannot wait to hear that heartbeat again.

Speaking of my doctor, we switched to a doctor that my cousin recommended to us and I love them. The drive is hefty, especially in a NY snowstorm, it's at least a half hour one way but I am so much more comfortable there. Hopefully Monday they give me my next ultrasound appointment so we can finally know the gender. Yay! Until, next time!